Before starting I need to mention a few names to whom I am utmost thankful.
First and foremost I would like to thank Ashu akka for encouraging me to write and telling me post this. She is an amazing writer and she is the reason behind me starting this ff. Thank u so much akka.
Anjali di, Gauri di, Shree di, Sree harini akka – My dream is that that one day I should able to write like you. Writing 100% like u do is impossible but I hope I can at least try.
I thank Meher di for telling me once that even I can write well if I try. Thank u so much for ypur encouragement di. I thought of writing then itself di but after Ashu akka boosted me I started this.
Arshi di, Anaya, Fatarajo, Myra di and all the names I have mentioned above are great writers and have inspired me very much. So a thanks to all of them.
I know I have blabbered too much but I can’t start the first episode of my ff without thanking them.
Fairy tales……. They are fake. They are just to misguide people. My life had never been a fairy tale and will never be.
Love………. No such thing exists in the world. All my life i have loved everyone unconditionally but what i got in return was…..pain.
Happiness……. People say that after every night there will be a day i.e after every sad day there will be a happy day. My life will never have a happy day. It has been and will be darkness and sadness everywhere.
As I was writing these phrases in my dairy,tears were rolling down my cheek. I have lost all hope in life. As I turned back the pages of my diary I came across the same phrases- but with different definitions.
Fairytales……. Everyone can make their life a fairy tale. It’s all about how you look at it. I made my life a fairytale. Just waiting for my prince to come.
Love……… The most beautiful feeling in the world. Love makes life beautiful. Unconditional love makes life still more beautiful.
Happiness……. After every night there will be a day. Problems and pain come into our life only to make us realise the value of happiness.
As I glanced at these definitions I realised how wrong and how foolish I was. Today my life has taken a sharp turn. I can never be the same girl I was before. I have to change. For me,for my family…….. For my dad. For keeping his dreams alive.
“Swaraa” , my mom shouted ” how much more time will you take for just having a bath?”
“Coming mom” I shouted. Brushing off my tears I washed my face once again and opened the door.
“Why do u take hours to have a bath?” she asked. I did not reply and continued doing my work. My mom also did not prod more. She is habituated to my silence. I was seriously working upon my presentation when I saw the arrival of my best friends Laksh and Ragini. They are the ones who manage to cheer me up. Always. Because of my silent and cold behaviour many of my friends have left me. But these two always stayed by my side. I never had to explain anything to them. They always understood my pain without me having to tell them. However rude I am with them, no matter how much pain I give them they always stand by me. Sometimes I think if I deserve their love. If someone like me deserves any happiness?
“Swara” Ragini’s shout brought me back to this world.
“Do u need to shout? I am not deaf. If u call me in normal voice also I will reply.”
“Ohh Swara u were lost in some thoughts. I called u twice but u did not reply.” she said with a pout.
“Now tell me what do u both want?”
“We don’t want anything. We just thought of irritating our best buddy. I am not able to sleep properly as I had not visited u last week due to my assignment. U know na Swara that without properly annoying u I can’t even sleep peacefully.” Laksh replied playfully.
I scoffed at him and continued doing my work. While those two idiots continued blabbering.
“Shona” Laksh called out to me. I did not reply. I wanted to be called as Swara. I stopped replying to people if they called me with the name Shona.
Shona……. The name makes me nostalgic. It makes many memories come back. Memories which made me weak. And I could not afford to be weak.
Laksh understood my thoughts and called me as Swara.
“What is it now?” I asked him.
“Sanskar is returning from California. He is also hosting a party to all his friends upon his return” Laksh told me.
Sanskar………. That name used to make me blush. But now I was not even interested to see that person.
“Sanskar???? Which Sanskar??”
I pretended as if I had not remembered him.
“Come on Swara don’t act before us. We three know who Sanskar is? We also know that u….”
“I don’t remember any person with the name Sanskar. So cut the crap and tell me who he is?”
Laksh signed Ragini to be quite and went on saying about Sanskar in order to make me remember about him. All three of us knew that I was lying. I was too proud to accept it and they did not want to hurt me by contradicting. It is me who is always rude to them. But they never hurt me. Even unintentionally. I love them very much. But I forgot how to shower love on my loved ones. Today my way of showing love on them is by being rude to them and by scolding them. The persons on whom I shower love always leave me and go far away from me. So far that I can’t even reach them. So I am afraid of showering love on them. If Laksh and Ragini also leave me forever then my heart which is already shattered and broken will be more broken.
Meanwhile my mom joined us. She heard about the party from Laksh and Ragini.
“Swara why don’t u attend this party?” my mom advised.
“Mom u know I don’t like parties.”
“I know. But this is like a reunioun of your school friends. Vaise I am becoming more and more worried looking at you. U don’t have any other thought in ur mind except that of your work. Always work,work,work. U have become workaholic and this is not very good for your health. U need a break. And this is my order. ”
“But mom,” I began to protest.
“No more arguments Swara. U are going to this party and this is final. U have not grown up so much that u can refuse me.” my mom told me sternly.
If there is a person whom I can’t refuse its my mom. I never say no to her. I had to agree for it. All this while Laksh and Ragini were smirking at me. I gave them ‘i will kill u sort of look’.
Being a part of one of the most influential families of Mumbai, parties were not new to me. But I had stooped going to parties long time back. Previously I used be a party freak but today I am wailing and pleading my mom to let me go to office instead of that stupid party. But my mom is in no mood to listen. If it had been any other party I would have given up by now and accepted her decision. But this is Sanskar Maheshwari’s party. I did not want to face him. But why? I questioned myself. I didn’t know why but I felt like tomorrow something big is going to happen. A bid change. I had this kind of feeling when……… No nothing is gonna happen. I am thinking too much. Tired of today’s events I bid a goodbye to my friends and went straight to bed.
But even in bed these thoughts were haunting me. This strange feeling is not leaving me. Whenever I have any problem I go to my dad. The most important person in my life. I thought of taking his advice. Slowly I got up from my bed and started walking towards his room. I went inside and stood……..in front his potrait.
He was giving a gentle and warm smile. Only I know how much I have been missing that smile. He is a solution to all my problems. He was my life’s magician. Today even though he is not here whenever I stand in front of his potrait in his room I get a solution to my problems.
Not even a day used to pass without me talking to him. My dad used to pamper me but he never spoilt me. The deepest secrets of my life-my dad knows them all. My world used to revolve around him. He was my everything.
Whenever I come into his study room and stand infront of his potrait it feels so soothing. A peaceful feeling comes to my mind. I just forget all my tensions and worries. My dad is my superhero. My inspiration. My motivation. My world.
After spending half an hour in his room,I went back to my room and had a sound sleep. That strange feeling vanished from my heart. My heart was no longer worried. I slept peacefully not even bothered about the big day coming in my life.
Precap: More about Swara and her dad