Hello Hello Hello everyone…. Ashu here! Well, again, a oneshot on Swasan. It’s a really lengthy one though! I was planning on this for a long time, but couldn’t actually write it. I hope you like it! *keeping my fingers crossed* Pls do comment at the end.
Ignore grammatical errors and typos…Not proof read!!
Okay, Before you actually read this story, I have two questions for you… First, how many of you like reading novels? I think most of you, right? Second, How many of you love fairytale love stories, and wish you had one such story? Thinking if I’m crazy? Okay, I want to dedicate this story to every girl who loves reading fairytale love stories. Though I assure you, this story is something really different from what you are expecting.
Okay Okay! I know you want to read the main story…
Aww…How romantic? What is with all these romance novels and movies? Could someone and something like this exsist in real life? I wish people like this, do exsist in real life. And I wish, I could meet someone like him in my life too. How I wish, I’d find someone who would care for me, the same way the guy cares for the girl, and someone who would love me the same way, like he loves her.
Well, I know you are confused, but the thing is I love novels. Like any other girl of my age, I love reading books, especially romantic novels. I’m a fan, not just any fan, but a huge fan of romantic novels. I love anything from light romance to unimaginable fantasy romance. My mind and heart just wouldn’t listen to me. I read them, and start imagining myself in their place. But, you know, it’s just out of my hands.
And like most other girls, I wish every story I read, could be real, I wish my life would be something like I read in novels, like a fairytale, where the guy loves the girl unconditionally. My love for novels, was something I had, from when I was twelve. But, it was more about mystery at that age, but as time passed, I was more into romance. I laugh with the characters, and sometimes, I just get too emotional, and start crying. That’s just the way I am, and I can’t help it. C’mon, what else do you expect from a girl of my age?
And most importantly, I trouble others, blabbering about the novels I read, or the romantic movies I watch. I literally, make them sit, and narrate the entire story, without missing on a single detail. And then I go on blabbering about my prince charming. And Sanskaar, would be the most frequently troubled person.
Sanskaar is my best friend, since we were thirteen. We are very close to each other. Sanskaar, like me, belongs to a middle class family. He was the silent, reserved kid, when I first met him. He was the new kid, in our neighbourhood, and I met him, for the first time, in the park nearby. I was hurt, when he accidentally hit me with a ball, while playing. He apologized, for his carelessness, and led me to his house, to get my wounds dressed, even though, they were just minor injuries.
It took me some time, to get along with him, but I guess, it was all worth, for I can never have a friend as dear as Sanskaar, who cares for me, more than anyone else.
He knows me better than anyone else, may be even better than my parents. And the same goes with me. His mom, is like my mom, and his dad, like mine. Either of us, couldn’t see the other hurt. We share every little thing with each other, and even if it means to listening to all the pathetic, baseless stories.
Sanskaar is something like my punching bag, who takes in all my emotions. I hug him when I’m happy, yell at him when I’m angry, and hold him and cry, when I’m sad. He never complains about anything, he just listens to everything I say. And poor fellow, he turned out to be the scapegoat, even when I blabber about the novels I read.
He usually taunts me, saying I’m mad to believe in this crazy romance. And that is how guys are!! They hate novels, especially romantic novels. Okay, let’s say, every girl, atleast most of the girls, love the movie The Notebook. We shed tears, watching it. And boys, they get irritated, just listening to the name. They hate such movies, and mock us for crying. And the same goes with Sanskaar.
I was smiling wide, flipping through the pages of the novel in my hands. I was in my dreamland, when I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. I turned to my side, and found him, sitting beside me. Sanskaar!! My best friend!
“Why are you smiling Shona?” He asked. Like he didn’t know!
I held up the novel in my hands, and gave him the widest of my smiles. “Oh No!!! Don’t tell me, that you were smiling, reading some romance novel again, where the guy does something special for the girl.” He said, shaking his head in disbelief, “I don’t understand what you girls see in these novels, that you fall for the male protagonists in them.”
“You’ll never be able to understand.” I said, ignoring him, and continued reading my novel.
“Typical Girls!!” He murmured, more to himself.
“I heard it!!” I glared at him.
“I don’t care.” He said, nonchalantly. “But can you please stop reading this for some time, so that we can talk. You just forget me, when you read these novels.” He gave me a disgusted look. I closed the book in my hands, and turned to face him.
“Aww! Okay! My best friend is jealous of a thing. How cute!!!” I said, teasing him. His eyes widened at my words.
“First, Don’t call me cute! And second, why in the whole world, would I be jealous of a thing, for God’s sake.” He spoke, with an irritated look, on his face.
“I don’t know! May be because, I don’t bother anyone, as long as I have my novel! Not even you!!” I laughed at the changing expressions, on his face. Okay! That was not true. I might love books, but Sanskaar, always comes first! Even before novels!!! And he knows that as well.
“Yeah! I know, you forget everything, and everyone around you!” He said, annoyed. I love annoying him, way too much!
“Okay! Don’t get angry!!! We’ll talk something else.” I said, keeping the book in my hands, inside my bag. His expression immediately changed, and he gave me a smile. I could see, he was glad, I kept the book inside.
“Shona! Why do you read novels?” He asked, curious. He just got irritated, when I was talking about novels, and now he wants to know why I read them.
“Are you serious? You want to know why I read?” I asked, unsure. He nodded. I could see, he was genuinely interested to know.
“I don’t know, but reading them, gives me peace and a sense of tranquility. It gives me happiness. It helps me to relax, from the daily worries, I forget my tensions, and get involved in reading. Not to forget, the entertainment, they provide. You know, I have very few friends, and other than you, I don’t have any best friends, who I can talk to about everything. I started reading them, way before I met you, and since then, I’m kind of addicted to them. Sometimes, I just find the solutions to my problems, in books.”
I turned to face Sanskaar, who was looking at me, surprised. He never talked to me about books, the reason being, he hates the fact that they are as much dear to me, as he is!! There are times, when I ignore him, as I get engrossed in reading.
“What makes you smile so much, while reading them? Your face lights up, even as you talk about something related?” He asked me.
“May be because, I enjoy it! Also, it depends on the book you read! Humor makes me laugh, but as I read some light romance, with a little of care, and affection, it puts a smile on my face.” I replied. But he wouldn’t understand it completely! Or for that matter, no guy can understand.
“You know what Sanskaar, I was reading this book now, where the guy loves the girl, unconditionally. He loves her so much, that he sticks by her side, no matter what. The girl was not ready for a relationship, after getting cheated, by her ex and her cousin, was almost heartbroken, when she finds her knight in shining armor. He instantly falls for her, but it takes him, a lot of time, to convince her, that he really loves her.” I started explaining him about the novel, I was reading, just before he was here. Well, I was reading it for the third time, in a row, and not get bored.
I looked up at him, to see if he was still listening, or getting bored. Not that I’m going to stop telling, even if he is bored. I expected him to doze off, but here he was, still listening to everything I was speaking, with not even a trace of irritation, on his face! And that is my Sanskaaar!! He would listen to all this, without even complaining!
“ Finally, the day she accepted him, the very same day, he meets with an accident, and he develops amnesia! He forgot her, yet he feels something for her, even after he has no memories of her! And he falls for her, all over again!….” I let him know, all about the story, including all minor details of the surprises, the guy has planned for his love, and I was very much excited, while telling him about this.
“You see, what a sweetheart he is!” I was literally awestruck, seeing their love, and most importantly his patience. May be, it is just a book, and it’s too good to be true, but what’s wrong in wishing it to be true.
I looked up at Sanskaar, when I didn’t get any taunts from him, for my crazy behavior, right now. I found him staring at me, with a slight smile, playing on his lips.
“What?” I asked him, when I still didn’t get any response.
“Nothing! Just wondering, how you girls, love such books!” He said, sighing. This was the first time, he was saying something, without taunting.
“And that makes me wonder, why guys love playing video games.” I smirked. Sanskaar loves video games. He likes to play, even at this age, and he even has a small game corner, in his room.
“Hey!! They are fun!!” He complained, with a pout! Aww, he is one cute kid! But, if I do say it out loud, he is going to kill me.
“Well! These are fun too! For me!” I shot back. Surprisingly, he didn’t argue further, like he always did. He just smiled at me, like I was crazy. May be I was, and I don’t deny that!
“Sanskaar, I wanted to tell you one other story as well. I know you are really bored with me talking all about books, and romance, but you need to listen to this.” I said, as I remembered, I had to tell him another love story, more specifically I had to tell him one particular part of a love story.
“Not again!!” He said, letting out a sigh, which made me laugh. “Swara! Why me?” He asked. I’m sure he is desperate to run away from this place.
“The perks of being my best friend!” I said in an airy voice. He shook his head in disbelief, while I tried to hold back the laughter that threatened to escape my lips.
“You know how much I love Varun Kapoor, right? Like, he is cute, really sweet, and an awesome actor. Yesterday, he proposed Helly Shah, and Oh my God!!! I just don’t have words to describe that scene! First of all, he took her out on a chopper ride, and then he took her to a place, which was more like an island, where the place is decorated with flowers, and……..” I continued blabbering everything about the grand proposal, and every line of Varun Kapoor, that made me fall in love more with him, while Sanskaar was listening patiently, waiting for me to finish.
After what seemed like about half an hour, I stopped blabbering about Varun Kapoor.
“Done talking about Varun Kapoor?” He asked, and that was when I realized, I had been talking for a very long time about him. I nodded, giving him a sheepish smile.
“Swara, you should know, all that is a part of their job. They are actors, and they need to act accordingly. That’s just an episode of the show you are watching, how can you think it to be real and get excited?” He asked me.
“I know, Sanskaar! It’s just a show, and that he is doing his job as an actor, but do you know, how perfect he is in the show? The most perfect flawless husband, and their pair, that’s the best on screen pair, I’ve ever seen! I wish, I could get someone like him!! Someone who would keep me happy, always.” I said, dreaming about my future prince charming.
I was always this girl, who is in love with happy endings, and fairytale romances, even when I know that they are something that we rarely see in our real life. These are kind of thoughts which I never talk about to anyone, other than Sanskaar. I turned to have a look at my bestie, who seemed to have lost in his own world of thoughts.
“Sanskaar!! Back to earth!” I said, waving my hand, in front of his face, trying to bring him out of his thoughts. He came out of his trance, and shook his head.
“What were you thinking about?” I asked, when he didn’t say anything. He let out a sigh, and ran a hand through his hair.
“Nothing! Let’s talk about something else! I’ve had enough of your stories, for the day!” He tried changing the topic, but if I’m right, there is something that is bothering him, as I see the changing expressions on his face.
“Are you okay?” I asked concerned.
“I’m absolutely fine! What’s wrong with me? As I said, let’s talk about something else.” He suggested.
“Okay! How about Kavita?” I smirked, looking at the change of expressions, on hearing her name.
“Why her?” he asked, raising his brows in confusion.
“Just have a look to your right!” I was trying to hold back my laughter, as Sanskaar’s eyes widened, as he spotted Kavita, at a distance, coming towards us.
“You don’t know where I am! Just remember that you didn’t meet me or talk to me today, in case she asks you!” He warned me, while getting up to leave from this place. He would go anywhere, right now rather than stay here! He gave me a second warning not to disclose his whereabouts to Kavita, before he left the place. I laughed out loud, seeing him running away from her.
Kavita has a huge crush on Sanskaar. She would always be clinging to Sanskaar, whenever she got hold of him. Well, she is a beauty, I agree but without brains. Sanskaar hates her, and as much as possible, he tries his best to avoid her. But Kavita would pester him everywhere, in the class, canteen, and even in the library. She would come to meet him, on the excuse of clarifying doubts about certain subjects.
Sanskaar, being the nerdy, studious guy, helped her initially with her doubts. But when he was clear about her intentions, he tried to stay far away from her! I don’t blame her though, for having a crush on Sanskaar, because that was quite normal for girls. Every girl, in this college, is crazy about him, and tried her best to get hold of his attention.
He had this good looks, which makes him the centre of attraction. But Sanskaar, doesn’t bother about any of them. All that I know, is that he never really talks to anyone but me. May be because, I was his best friend, since long. But as for me, he has become something more to me, than just a best friend. My feelings for him, have grown into something more than friendship, I guess. He stays with me, all throughout the day, and even if I deny it, I know that I’ve become completely dependent on him. I don’t remember, when was the last time, we spent a day without meeting each other.
I was lost thinking about Sanskaar, when a voice broke through my thoughts, bringing me back to the world around me. I looked up to see who it was, and I was not really surprised when I saw Kavita standing right in front of me.
“Swara! Did you happen to see Sanky baby anywhere?” She asked in an over sweet tone. Sanky baby? Who the hell does she think she is to address my Sanskaar, in such a manner? And this is the reason I hate her. Did I just say ‘My Sanskaar’? Never mind! He is my best friend, and I have all the rights on him.
Coming to Kavita, Why doesn’t she get it in that pea sized brain of hers, that Sanskaar doesn’t love her. She has proposed him once, telling that she loves him, but Sanskaar just rejected her, saying that he never had that sort of feelings for her. Yet, she doesn’t seem to understand. As I said, she has no brains!! The worst thing is, she has spread the word in the entire college that Sanskaar likes her too.
“Kavita! Did you not know that Sanskaar is ready to jump off the building, just because, he didn’t get his favourite candy? Why don’t you go, stop him?” I said, appearing to be serious.
“Oh no! Sanky baby!! Stop. I’ll give you your favourite candy.” She started running from here, to wherever, god knows! I should stick to my opinion on her, of no brains. I couldn’t control myself from laughing out loud, when I realized everyone around me was staring at me, as if I was a specimen.
“I hate these so called assignments!” I complained.
“Okay!! We are almost at the end. Few more sums, and we’ll be done!” Sanskaar replied.
I was working on my assignments, which are due for submission tomorrow, and Sanskaar was here to help me. We were sitting in my room, for like two hours now, trying to complete them. Its our final year in the college, and its already hectic for us, to cope up, with everything. Sanskaar is always my savior when it comes to studies.
We were about to complete our work, when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, only to find my dad standing there.
“Dad? You want something?” I asked.
“Dad?” I called him again, when he didn’t say anything. He had this serious expression on his face, saying that he was here to talk about something important.
“Can we sit and talk?” He asked.
Confused, I let him inside, and he sat on the bed. “Is something bothering you?” I asked him, when he was silent for a while. Sanskaar was standing beside me, confused.
“Swara! Listen to me completely, before you say anything.” I nodded, asking him to continue. He was scaring me, with his words.
“Swara! I’m here to talk to you about your marriage. I’ve found the suitable guy for you!” What? Was I hearing it right? Dad is talking about my marriage? Where did this come from all of a sudden? I turned to look at Sanskaar, who was as shocked with the relevation as I am.
“But dad…” I started, but he cut me off, “Swara! Listen to me. It’s not that I’m forcing you to do something which you didn’t want to. But, Laksh is a very good guy. He is good looking, nice, rich, successful and belongs to a good family. I think you will be very happy with him.”
No! Whoever he is, however he is, I’m not intersted in marrying him, or anyone for that matter. To say the truth, I started loving Sanskaar, and I wanted to be with him always. But, the thing is I don’t know what Sanskaar feels for me. May be, I’m just his best friend, like always. I turned to look at Sanskaar, who was standing there in silence. He didn’t react, not even a little bit!
“But dad! I haven’t finished my college yet! Can’t we wait until then?” I said, finding excuses to at least postpone this talk of marriage. And, I had to know what Sanskaar thinks about this!
“Swara, it’s just engagement now! You can get married, after six months when you graduate from college.” He stated. No dad!! I’m not yet ready for this. Why don’t you get it. I wanted to shout at him, but I couldn’t hurt him.
“But Dad…” He cut me off, once again, “Swara! Laksh is really a good guy! All I want is for you to be happy, and I think, Laksh is the one, who will keep you happy always!” He looked at me, for a few seconds, as I was lost in my thoughts, when he turned to Sanskaar, “Sanskaar, why don’t you make her understand? She will surely listen to you.”
Sanskaar was brought out of his thoughts, when Dad called him. He was standing in silence that I forgot for a moment, he was there, right beside me.
“Swara! I agree with your Dad. He is right, and may be you should think about this. May be, Laksh is the right guy for you!” Sanskaar said, looking straight at me.
Great! Just Great!! The guy I love, is suggesting me to marry someone else. I wanted to shout at him ‘Its not Laksh, but you! You are the right guy for me.’ But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t!
“Swara! I’m not forcing you to do anything! But think about this. Take your time, and give me your answer.” Dad said, patting on my head, before leaving me and Sanskaar alone, in the room.
I collapsed onto the bed, and thought about everything that just happened. “Sanskaar?” I called out. I was confused.
“Swara” he said, sitting on the bed beside me, “I think you should consider this.”
What? You too, Sanskaar! I love you idiot!! I know its hard to accept, but I love you, and can’t you just see that. My heart was screaming at him, but I couldn’t bring these words to my mouth.
“Sanskaar, are you mad? You are speaking like Dad.”
“I think uncle is right. May be Laksh is the one! May be Laksh is the Prince Charming you were dreaming about. May be he’ll always keep you happy. Shekhar uncle always wants your happiness, and he always wants the best for you! His choice would never go wrong.” I heard him say.
Why doesn’t he get it, that he is the one, the one who keeps me happy always, the one who is best for me. Of course, how would he, when he considers me just as his best friend. His words are just his way of telling me that he doesn’t love me, that we are just friends.
“Sanskaar, I’m not ready yet! Moreover, I don’t know anything about him.” I voiced out my thoughts, and fears partly. But the real reason for my denial being, my love for the person sitting here, right beside me.
“It’s not like you are going to marry tomorrow. You still have time to know about him, and who knows, maybe he would be the one person, about whom you always dreamt.” He squeezed my hands in assurance. He assured that everything would be alright. But, would it be? Will I be able to give up on Saanskaar, and marry someone else?
After a few minutes of talking, and Sanskaar’s attempt to convince me, he left. It was already late, and I asked him to go home. With him sitting beside me, I couldn’t think straight. I had that gnawing pain in my chest, which I couldn’t talk about to anyone. I needed time alone! He was sitting beside me, trying to convince me for marriage, when all I could think about was him. And this was the reason, I asked him to go home. I wanted to be left alone.
Now, that I was alone, once he left, I couldn’t help but cry my heart out. My thoughts immediately flew back to the time we just met. As I thought about all the years we spent together, I realized how happy I was whenever I’m with him. He was with me whenever I needed a shoulder to lean on. He cared for me, protected me, and teased me, and provided me that comfort, which I couldn’t find in any other place on earth. If this is not love, then I don’t know what is.
I had fallen for him long back, even when I didn’t realize it, but I guess, he still considers me just his best friend. I’m a fool to assume, that maybe, just maybe he too likes me, more than as a friend. Him, convincing me for this marriage itself proves that I’m just a friend. Should I tell him how I feel about him? Will it be the right thing to do? And what if it affects our friendship in any way? No… I can’t let him go as a friend. If not love, then be it friendship. I’ll be more than happy as his friend.
I had made up my mind! Even though its hard for me to accept the reality, I need to face it, and move on. It may be tough, but I had to do it! I’m ready to marry Laksh!
I was sitting in my room alone, thinking about the recent happenings in my life. I was scrolling through all the photos of me and Sanskaar in my mobile. These photos were enough to put a smile on my face, no matter what. Every time I look at these pictures, I re-live every moment again and again.
It’s almost ten days since Dad has talked to me, and I made my decision of marrying Laksh. Dad was elated, listening to my decision. He couldn’t handle his excitement, and since then he got himself busy with all the engagement preparations which is to be held in the next two days.
When I met Sanskaar the next day, and let him know about my decision, he was happy. He gave me a tight hug, saying that he was happy for me, and all that matters is my happiness. He held my hands, and assured that he would always be there as my rock, beside me whenever I need him.
But I had to leave the place immediately, before I let myself break down in front of him. What started as a mere friendship, has grown into something more than what I ever expected. I can’t fall weak, or cry in front of him, or in front of anyone for that matter.
Since then, I was trying to avoid staying too close to him. I was afraid of the fact that if I was near him, I would forget the reality, and let myself fall in love with him again and again. We still hangout, but not like we used to. We still talk on the phone, but nothing like before.
About Laksh, he is very good guy, just like Dad said. He was good looking, decent and sweet. Apart from meeting him twice, and talking on the phone a couple of times, I didn’t talk to him much. In these few conversations we had, I had formed a good opinion on him. He was playful, yet knows his limits. There was this one time, Sanskaar accompanied me, when I went to meet Laksh. Surprisingly, Sanskaar and Laksh got along well, and soon became friends. Laksh and I, have become pretty good friends, in these ten days, and I was grateful for this.
I was brought back to my senses, when I heard my phone ringing. It was from an unknown number, and what I heard from the other side, as soon as I attended, left me speechless.
“I’m really sorry to bother you at this hour.” I apologized, feeling guilty for asking Laksh to come this late.
“It’s fine! Absolutely fine with me. Don’t feel bad about it! Besides, your friends are mine too!” He gave me a smile.
“I don’t know what happened to him. This is the first time I’m seeing him in such a condition.” I told him.
“Swara! Talk to him tomorrow. Everything will be fine. But, if my guess is right, which may not be, he is hurting because of something.” I heard him say. Hurting? What could possibly hurt him that made him end up in such a state?
We were returning back home, and I was sitting in the car confused, while Laksh was driving silently. Like literally confused, seeing his state. What do you expect from me, when you get a call at nine in the night, and getting to know that your best friend is in an inebriated condition, having no idea of where he is, and what he is doing?
It was just a shock to me, when I got a call an hour ago, from Sanskaar’s mobile, saying that he is totally in a wasted state. It was some working personnal in the bar, who called from Sanskaar’s mobile, informing about his condition. I was literally shocked, when I heard this information. I was confused because, as much as I know about Sanskaar, which is pretty much totally, he never touched alcohol. Then what in the whole world forced him to drink and that too, to such a state, that he was not aware of his surroundings.
I didn’t know what to do, and the first person who came to my mind was Laksh. I immediately called him, and asked for his help. He was more than ready to help me, and picked me up, before rushing to the address given by the person who called.
Reaching there, I saw Sanskaar completely intoxicated. He was almost in an unconscious state, with no awareness of the surroundings. He owes me an explanation! That guy who hates alcohol, drowned himself in it. I called out his name many times, but he didn’t respond. Yet, he was mumbling something incoherently, which I couldn’t grasp. Laksh helped me to carry Sanskaar back to his car, and he offered to drop us back home.
I was thinking about what Laksh said a few minutes ago, and wondering what could possibly be hurting Sanskaar that he didn’t want me to know; when the car came to a sudden halt. I looked out the window, and saw that we were infront of Sanskaar’s house.
Laksh and I carried Sanskaar back to his house, and placed him on the bed, in his room. Luckily, for us, his parents were not at home, they were out of town for some reason, and I managed to bring his house spare key, in case it was necessary. I made him lie comfortably on his bed, and covered him with the duvet.
I turned to Laksh, who was standing behind me, “Laksh! Thank you so much. You were ready to help me, as soon as I called you.”
“Its okay, Swara! Not a problem. Shall I drop you back home?”
“I can manage. You please carry on!” I said, not wanting to sound rude.
“No Swara, its alright.” He smiled.
“I know, but my house is nearby, and I can go alone. Besides, I want to make sure before leaving, that Sanskaar is fine. So, I’ll check on him , and leave in a few minutes.” I said, looking at Sanskaar. I didn’t want to leave him, in such a condition, but as I said, I had to make sure, he is okay, before I leave. He was still muttering something in his unconscious state.
Laksh seemed to have understood, for he left after wishing me a good night. I sat beside Sanskaar, and caressed his hair softly. He looked so innocent in his sleep. I’m going to miss spending time with him, once I get married. The thought itself hurts so much.
I got up to go into the balcony, to clear my mind off him, because honestly my mind isn’t working when I was sitting in front of him. As I walked to the balcony, my eyes landed on a very familiar black diary, placed on the side table beside his bed. I very well remember this diary, and the conversation we had when I gave it to him on his birthday two years ago.
“Happy Birthday, Idiot!!” I hugged him tight, and wished him.
“Swara! Not today. Please.” He made a puppy dog face, as I called him idiot.
“Okay! Happy Birthday Sanskaar! Only for today.” I wished him again.
“Thank you! Now where the hell is my gift?” He asked, placing his hand forward.
“Gift? There is no gift! My wishes are more than enough. And if you still want gift, don’t worry, you have my blessings.” I said, with attitude.
“Very funny! Now where did you hide my gift? Give it to me directly; else I know how to take it from you.” He said, while I didn’t pay attention to his words.
“Okay! You are the one who asked for this, and don’t blame me later.” He winked at me. Before I knew what he was doing, I fell on his bed, laughing out loud. He knew how ticklish I was, and he was literally torturing me.
“Sanskaar! Leave me.” I shouted, in between my laughter.
“Give me my gift, and I’ll stop it” He teased me. After a lot of arguments, I gave up, and he left me. We settled down on the bed, when I finally handed him his gift.
“Here it is!” I handed him a box, neatly wrapped up in a gift paper.
“I know, you never fail to gift me something special.” He said, as he opened the wrapping. I smiled hoping he’d like it.
“Diary?” He was surprised, once he opened the wrapping. He sure didn’t expect a diary, for he never had the habit of writing a diary. I was his human diary, and he shares everything with me.
“Yes! Diary. So that you can write in this, whenever you want to share something with someone, but couldn’t share, because it’s too personal for you.” I said, clearing his confusion.
“Swara! You know everything about me. I share everything, no matter how personal it is, with you.” He said, smiling. He is right! There are no secrets between us.
“I know! You share everything with me, but there may be certain things, which you don’t want to share even with me, if not now, may be in the future. If you ever face such a situation, you can write in this diary. Maybe about your girlfriend” I teased him, pointing to the diary in his hand. Though I doubt, he will ever need this diary.
“Girlfriend or no girlfriend! I’ll share everything with you. So, you can count on my word, when I say, the day I use this diary, might never come.” He said, with a lot of confidence. I was overwhelmed to hear it from him.
“Sanskaar! I’d be the happiest person, if you can count on me, with your secrets. But, I want you to keep this diary, if you ever feel like writing.”
“Okay! But don’t expect me to write anything!” He agreed, while I nodded.
I smiled as I recollected those moments. That was how we used to be. No secrets! But as time passed, there was this one thing I never dared to tell him. And that was about my love! That was the only secret I never let him know.
I wondered if that diary is still as good as the new one, or if he has written something, and if there is something he didn’t tell me. Not that I want to know something that he didn’t want to tell me, but seeing Sanskaar’s present condition, I wonder if there is something bothering him. What if Laksh is right, and he is hurting because of some reason?
The only way to find out is by opening this diary, and reading it. But there is a very good chance, that he didn’t write anything. But what if I can find the reason behind this odd behavior of his? I turned to have a look at him, and felt bad seeing his condition. I’m sorry Sanskaar, I have to do this! I need to know the reason behind today’s actions. I’m sorry to open this diary, when I’m the one to give this.
I opened the diary, and on the very first page, was written S and S enclosed within a heart. Sanskaar loves someone? Who does S represent? I really think I’m intruding his personal space now. But, should I read further? May be I’d get the reason, if I read it. As I turned the next page, I was in for a shock. My heart skipped a beat, as I studied the contents of the page.
I was baffled, seeing my photo on the next page, with the words, ‘FRIENDSHIP OR LOVE?’ written beneath. Was he serious? I mean, is it even possible, that he has the same feelings for me, as I have for him. If yes, then why did he never try to tell me? Well, who was I kidding? I didn’t tell him too!
I turned the page, and there, it was written,
~*‘Swara, I never thought I will write something in this diary. I even challenged you, that this diary will always be as good as a new one. But see, here I’m writing about the very same person with whom I challenged. I never thought that there will ever be a secret I couldn’t share with you. But you are the biggest secret in my life, which I can’t tell about to anyone. I hope I could tell you everything one day.’*~
My lips curved up into a smile, as I read those lines. Very true! He was the biggest secret in my life, I couldn’t talk about to anyone; and I’m the biggest secret in his life. My heart was jumping in happiness, and all of a sudden, I was excited, to read more about me, from his point of view. I turned the next page,
~*‘I don’t know when our friendship has turned into something more. But, I know one thing for sure, that you are always the one on my mind. Initially, I thought it was just because, we were best friends for years, but later I realized, it was not a feeling you have for a friend. I wish I could really tell you, that you are no more just a friend for me. But I can’t. I can’t because, your friendship is very precious to me, and I can’t afford to lose it.’*~
I turned the page,
~*‘BAAT RAKHI DIL MEIN PAR KEH NA SAKE,
YAAD KIYA AAPKO TOH SAANS LE NA SAKE
POOCHA KISI NE DIL KO KI TUNE PYAAR KIS SE KIYA,
JAANTE THE PHIR BHI TUMHARA NAAM LE NA SAKE’*~
The next page,
~*‘You know something? Your eyes! Yes, your eyes are your most beautiful asset. Those eyes, are the most expressive eyes I’ve ever seen. I look into your eyes, and that very moment, I forget the world around me. I always wonder what crosses your mind, when your eyes meet mine, because honestly, you are the one always on my mind. But may be, I love my eyes more, because without them, I can’t see yours.’*~
I didn’t know how to react. If I was alone in my room right now, without Sanskaar sleeping beside me, not that he would wake up anyways, I’d have felt like dancing with loud music turned on, and shouting out to the world, that he is mine! Only mine!!
I suddenly remembered telling Mom that I was going out for a walk, and I’d return back soon. I called back home, and informed her, that I’d stay at Sanskaar’s for the night. I hung up the phone, and I settled myself comfortably on the beanbag beside his bed, and continued reading the diary.
~*‘Your smile, it makes me go crazy. That smile on your face, is something which brings a smile on my face, whenever I think about. I love your smile, but I love it more, when I’m the one who could bring it on your face. God, I sound like love sick puppy right now! If that is what I am, so be it!’*~
These words are just enough to put a smile on my face. Sanskaar, I also love it, when you are the reason behind my smile. And I want you to be the one always! I turned the next page,
~*‘You are such a cute kiddo! You know that? Sometimes, you act like a kid of seven, yet there are times when you act mature enough, and handle everything. You brighten up the world around you. You spread your shine whenever you are around. And this is the reason, I want to give you a special name. A very special name, SUNSHINE. I know I will not be able to call you with this name, when you are around; but u are my Sunshine. I LOVE YOU, SUNSHINE.’*~
‘Sunshine’! I read the name again and again. Sanskaar’s name for me! A name I would treasure forever. I love you too Idiot!
~*‘Sunshine, If you ever ask me, what is the most special thing that I love in you, I might never be able to give you the answer. Because everything about you makes me fall in love with you. The way you squeal, when you see chocolates; the way you sleep, hugging your teddy; the way your eyes move from word to word, as you go through the lines while reading a novel; the way you have a smile plastered on your face while you read a book; even though I hate it, I love the way you get excited when you speak about the novels you read. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! EVERY SMALL THING THAT YOU DO!’*~
I couldn’t stop the tears that started running down my cheeks. I was glad, very very glad that I decided to open this diary. I was overwhelmed to see his love. I was an idiot not to see how much he loves me.
~*‘Sunshine, everytime you talk about fairytales, and romance novels, and unconditional love, I fear that I’ll never be able to love you, like you think. I love you, more than my life, but I can never be the right guy like you want. I can never be the one to spoil you with gifts. I know you love novels and you wish your life to be like a romantic novel, but I can never be like the guys in the novels, who surprise their girls with their gifts. I’m not rich, I’m not handsome, and I’m definitely not the guy for you. And that is why I didn’t want you to know about my love. You deserve to be with someone who can give you everything you want in your life. A girl who loves to read fairytales, deserves one. But, I LOVE YOU SUNSHINE! More than you can think of!’*~
My mind went blank, reading those words. Was this the reason he didn’t tell me he loves me? In these many years of our friendship, this is what he knew of me? Did he really think that I want someone rich, and handsome, who will spoil me with gifts? Okay, I accept the fact that I love reading fairytale love stories, and I fall in love with the characters there, but that doesn’t mean that I expect it to happen in reality.
I know the difference between a novel and real life. What I really love in a novel, is the unconditional love they share. He was not in his senses right now, otherwise I’d grab him by his collar, and yell at him. I wanted to yell at him, for thinking that I deserve someone better than him. For all I know, there is no one who can understand me better than him; and who can love me and care for me like the way he does!
I was really annoyed with him, right now, and I really wanted to know more about what he wants to say. I turned the next page,
~*‘Sunshine, I’m so happy for you! Finally, you are getting married. Shekar uncle brought a marriage proposal for you. And I think you will be happy with Laksh. I’m happy with your decision of marrying Laksh. It kind of hurts me, to see you with someone else, but I’ll live it, and get used to it. As I said, all that I want is your happiness.’*~
That’s when I realized, I’ll get engaged to Laksh in two days. I forgot the fact that I was getting married. Only I knew, how hard it was for me to make the decision of marrying Laksh. I thought Sanskaar didn’t love me, and I was nothing but a friend to him, and that was one of the main reasons behind my decision. What do I do now? I turned the page, thinking about what has to be done.
~*‘JO NAHI AATA USKA INTEZAAR KYUN HOTA HAIN,
KISI KE LIYE APNA YE HAAL KYUN HOTA HAIN
WAISE TOH ISS DUNIYA MEIN KAAFI CHEEZE PYAARI HAIN
PAR JO NAHI MILTA USI SE PYAAR KYUN HOTA HAIN’*~
~*‘Sunshine, after meeting Laksh today, I’m assured that you will always be happy. From what I knew him, Laksh is a very good person, and he’ll keep you happy always. You will finally get to live a fairytale of your own. He is very understanding, and I’m sure he’ll spoil you with his surprises. I’m happy for you Swara. But, I will always love you!!!’*~
I wanted to cry out loud at this very moment. Was he crazy? Was this the main reason, for his condition tonight? I felt a surge of emotions in me. Happiness, seeing his love for me; anger, seeing the way he was thinking; sad, seeing his condition tonight, for he was hurting himself. And about Laksh! He is right, Laksh is a very nice person, he was ready to help me, no matter what. How should I break this news to him? How should I tell him, that I no longer wanted to marry him?
No matter how hard I tried, the tears didn’t stop. How would you feel, when you come to know that the person whom you love, loves you back more than you can ever imagine? You can’t put your feelings in words, right? Same is the situation with me. I just want to hug Sanskaar, and tell him, that I love him, and only him. But, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m annoyed with him.
I wiped the tears flowing down my face, and walked back to the bed where he was sleeping peacefully, and sat down on the floor beside him. I gently caressed his hair, while he slept peacefully. I was admiring him, when I felt the grip of his hands on mine. He was holding my hands in his, still sleeping soundly, when he murmured, “I love you Swara. Please don’t leave me! Please.”
A fresh set of tears started running down my cheeks, when I heard him say those words. “Pagal! Agar itna hi pyaar karta hain, toh batata kyun nahi? (Idiot! When you love me so much, why don’t you say it?)” I said, to his sleeping form, gently caressing his hair. I slowly drifted off to sleep, in the same sitting position.
The next day, the sun rays streaming through the windows woke me up, and I found myself in some place other than my room, when I realized I had slept in Sanskaar’s house. That is when I recollected the events of the previous night. I had so much to sort out today, tell Laksh everything, and then confront Sanskaar.
I prepared a glass of lemonade for Sanskaar, and placed it on the table, beside his bed, with a note, which read ‘YOU OWE ME AN EXPLANATION, MR. SANSKAAR MAHESHWARI. GARDEN RESTAURANT @11a.m. I’LL BE WAITING! –SWARA.’
I called Laksh, before I went home, and asked him to meet me, at the same place, a little early though, so that I can tell him everything before its too late.
I met Laksh and told him everything. I confessed everything from the beginning, about my feelings for Sanskaar, the diary part, and even about asking Sanskaar to meet. Surprisingly, he took it well. He was disappointed though, but he understood me, and offered to help me in confronting Sanskaar. He kind of guessed it, though not completely that Sanskaar’s behavior the previous day was something related to love.
As we were talking, my eyes landed on a very familiar person, walking towards us. He still looked great, and confident, like he was till yesterday. Sanskaar came to our table, and sat on the chair across me.
“Seems like someone had a hangover.” I taunted him.
“I’m sorry, Swara! I don’t know what came over me.” He apologized.
“Really? Do you think a sorry will make everything fine?” I yelled at him.
He sighed. “No! But it was just impulsive. I didn’t intend to.”
“I know it’s none of my business to speak between two best friends, but Sanskaar, is something hurting you?” Laksh spoke politely.
“Of course you have the right to speak Laksh, after all you are going to be my fiancé.” I said, still looking at Sanskaar, for any reaction from him. But he was acting all normal.
“I know SUNSHINE. But I’m no one…” Laksh started to say, when he was interrupted by Sanskaar, “Sunshine?” He was surprised. Yes, this is what we wanted.
“Yeah… I felt like calling her by that name. You know she brightens up everything around her.” Laksh said, while I was smiling silently. Sanskaar was shocked to hear the statement. He was swapping gazes between me and Laksh. Laksh gave me a ‘Its working’ look.
“There’s nothing of that sort, Laksh. I’m absolutely fine.” Sanskaar said, referring to the question which Laksh asked earlier.
“Of course, Laksh. He doesn’t want to share it. Why are you even trying to ask?” I glared at Sanskaar. He didn’t say anything.
“Sanskaar, I know its your personal. But do you love someone?” Laksh asked him straight to the point, when Sanskaar made no attempt to talk. Sanskaar was taken aback by the question. I could make it, fron the expression on his face, that he didn’t expect this question.
“Wh… what makes you think that?” He was stuttering now. It hit the target, I guess. But he still covered it up behind that fake smile of his.
“Oh nothing! We were trying to figure out the possible reasons for your actions yesterday.” Laksh said.
“Laksh! May be he just wanted to find out how alcohol actually tastes, didn’t you Sanskaar?” I said sarcastically, still glaring at Sanskaar.
“Besides, you were murmuring something like ‘Don’t leave me’. So, I just guessed that you love someone.” Laksh said, giving another attempt. Sanskaar’s eyes widened listening to this.
“Nothing as such. Swara, I’d definitely tell you, if there is something like that! You know that, right!!” He said, looking at me. Okay, I think its time to confront him directly. I don’t think he will say it out loud.
“Right! But what if its me?” I asked him.
“What do you mean?” He asked, sounding confused. Sensing the seriousness of the situation, Laksh excused himself, saying he’d be back after a few minutes. I nodded.
“Why don’t you say it Sanskaar?”
I took a deep breath and asked him that one question I had been wanting to ask him since yesterday, “That you love me?” His eyes widened at my words. He was baffled.
“Wh…what…What are you saying Swara?” He stuttered. “The truth Sanskaar! Why don’t you admit it?” I asked, and before I knew it, a few tears escaped from my eyes.
“Swara, I’m saying the truth.” He said, looking everywhere, but me.
“Oh really? Then why don’t you tell that looking at me?” I asked him. He was still silent, looking down. I took out his diary that I brought with me, and placed it on the table in front of him. He was shocked seeing it. He lifted his head up, and his eyes met mine.
“You wanted to know, right; what crosses my mind, when your eyes meet mine?” I asked him, not breaking the eye contact, “Nothing! Because my mind stops working the moment I look into your eyes. I don’t know, where I am, what I’m doing. All that is on my mind is you. And when our eyes meet, that very moment I want the time to freeze forever.”
“Why didn’t you tell me at least once, Sanskaar? If I would’ve not read this diary, I’d have never known about this. How could you convince me to marry someone else? You should’ve tried to tell me!”
“And do what, Swara? I couldn’t tell you! I was afraid, of your rejection. And even if you agree, you might regret it later. Because I’m not the right guy for you. Because you deserve someone better than me.” He said, his voice choked, as he said the words.
“Who told you that I’d regret it? Who told you that you are not the right guy for me? For all I know, You are the one for me! And I don’t care about deserving someone better than you; because You are the best I can ever get. The one who knows me better than my own self. What made you think such stupid things?”
“Swara! You are my best friend for more than twelve years now. I always see you dream about your Prince Charming. I always see you get carried away by novels, and wish you could get one such story in your life. I see the way your eyes twinkle, when you talk about them. And you deserve one such fairytale love story in your life. And u can never have that life, with me. I can never spoil my girl with expensive gifts. As I always said, I want nothing, but your happiness. And Laksh is the guy, who will keep you happy forever.” He said, letting out all the pain he was hiding inside.
“You want my happiness, really? Then listen, My happiness lies with you. I know I love such stories, and dream about them. But what you failed to see is, what I really love in them. I love the unconditional love they describe; not the expensive gifts. I don’t want any expensive gifts from you; a single flower, once in a while, and a simple I LOVE YOU will do. And I believe, especially after reading your diary, that no one can ever love me more than you!!”
“But Swara…” He started to say, but I interrupted him, “No Sanskaar! Don’t deny it anymore. Accept the fact that you love me.”
He closed his eyes, and let the tears flow. After a few seconds, he composed himself, and opened his eyes, “I…I LOVE YOU SWARA!!” I couldn’t control the wide smile that had erupted on my face. I started crying and smiling at the same time, when I heard him say the three words, I desperately wanted to hear from him. I got up, and hugged the life out of him. I couldn’t control the flood of tears.
“Sanskaar! You know what? You are an idiot! I’m really glad that I got your diary. I opened it, thinking if I can find the reason behind your condition yesterday. But what I read, left me speechless. If I had known this before, I’d have never said yes for this marriage.” I said, still enjoying the comfort in his embrace.
He pulled himself back, “Marriage! Swara, what about Laksh?” He sounded tensed.
“Everything is sorted out Mr. Maheshwari! I talked to him; he know everything about us, in fact, he was with me all along. All thanks to me!” I said, patting my back.
“Ohh…Now it all makes sense! That is why he was calling you Sunshine? Isn’t that the reason?” He asked me.
“Of course! But I’m only your Sunshine! Only you have the right to call me Sunshine!!” I was blushing. I’m blushing in front of my best friend!
“SUNSHINE! I never thought I’d call you with this name, ever! But, finally the day has come, when I can call you as MY SUNSHINE.” He said, leaning his forehead against mine, locking his eyes with mine.
That moment, I wished the time froze forever. We were lost, enjoying the peaceful bliss of the moment, when I heard someone clear their throat from behind. Coming back to our senses, we turned around to see who it was. Of course, Laksh! I should’ve known.
“I’m sorry to interrupt you both, but, I guess, everything is sorted out between you both. I’ll leave now!” Laksh said, turning back to leave.
“Laksh!” Sanskaar called out. He continued, when Laksh turned to us, “I don’t know how to thank you for this. Thank you is a really small word, for what you have done for us. And I’m sorry too. I’m sorry to come in between you and Swara.” Sanskaar smiled gratefully. What? Between me, and Laksh? What does he mean by that?
“Sanskaar, You don’t need to say sorry or thank you. In fact, I should be the one to say sorry, to come in between you both! I know what it feels like to lose your first love! And I don’t want you two to undergo the same pain as me. Yes, this is true that, I started liking Swara, but just as a friend.” Laksh said looking at me.
Men!! How do they understand, without even saying it out loud? I chose to keep silent, as I didn’t know what to say. But I was grateful, for his help.
After a few minutes of silence, Sanskaar suggested, “I guess, we can still be friends.”
“Of course. That’d be great!” Laksh said.
“Laksh, if you don’t mind, can I ask you something?” I asked, while he nodded. “You said, you know the pain of losing your first love. Did you love someone?”
He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to forget his pain, “Yes! Her name is Ragini! I love her even today.”
“If you are comfortable, you can share it with us.” Sanskaar suggested.
“Some other time! Its your day today! Bye.” Laksh said, and turned back to leave.
“So, Sunshine!! You still believe in fairytales?” He asked me, pulling me in his arms, and sliding his hands on my waist.
“Of course, I’m living one right now! You know what, Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favourite!” I smiled at him, and encircled my arms around his neck.
“Thank you! For being there with me! For loving me! For giving me a chance!” He said, looking into my eyes.
“Thank you! For your affection! For your care! For your Love!!!” I said, not breaking the eye contact. That eyes held nothing but love in them.
“I promise, I’ll love you forever with all my heart. I promise I’ll try everything possible to keep you happy. I promise, I’ll not let a tear come out of your eyes. I promise, I’ll not let you face any hurdle alone. I promise I’ll never give you a chance to complain. I promise, I’ll be your best friend like always.” He said, with his voice full of emotion. Could I get anymore lucky?
“I know! And I promise to be with you, forever!” I smiled, with happy tears in my eyes. He wiped the tears with his thumb, and shook his head in a no.
If this is not a fairytale love story, I don’t know what is. For a girl who loves fairytales, I’m living one right now, with my prince holding me in his arms. This is the love I had always been wanting to have, when I say, I love novels. I can say without any doubt, that Sanskaar will always love me, more than I can ever think of. Not every girl, gets what she wished for, but I’m one of those lucky to get my love.
Okay, So I don’t want to say anything. How do you think is this love story of swasan. I might have bored you to death. You can drop in your comments, and I’ll be waiting to read them. I don’t even know, if this is worth reading, and if you did like it; but I’d like to know what you think of *fingers crossed*. Criticism is welcome, as long as it is in limits.
And before I take leave, I want to say that I’m taking a break now, for a few months. I won’t be able to write any oneshots anytime soon. So, please bear with me. And if I still feel like writing after the break, I’ll be back with more one shots on Swasan.
Love you all!!!
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